a little story...
This past Christmas (2004), I visited my family in Baltimore, Maryland. I only was able to stay for four days, so I squeezed as much catching up as I could. My lone remaining grandparent, my grandmother, or MomMom, as we call her, is suffering from severe Alzheimer's. I rarely get a chance to see her.
After college, I lived with my MomMom for two years. (although half the year she would be in Florida with her boyfriend) :) I was fortunate for those days, as her and I grew closer, and I got to know her in a personal way that none of my siblings had a chance to do.
I moved to California in April of 1999. MomMom was still of okay health at that point. A few years thereafter, her mental capacity rapidly declined, leaving her forgetful and rebellious. I heard the stories from the opposite coast, and called her each holiday as she was staying in a elderly home that was run by a mother and daughter. I'd say Merry Christmas, MomMom would cry. I'm still not sure if it was her inability to relay her own feelings back to me in response, or in fact because she knew that she was losing her capacity to think for herself that caused the incontrollable tears. Anyway, the next time I saw her she was bed-ridden and unable to speak, aside from a few "yeahs." She did manage a few tears.
So this past Christmas was only the second time I've seen her in this state of mind. It was difficult the first time, the second time, wasn't any easier. I was prepared though. DETOUR...
The trip to visit my MomMom in Salisbury, Maryland is about a two hour drive. Starting on I-695, to the 97, and then hopping on Route 50, across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, and ending with a cruisable stretch of flat land passing historical Eastern shore towns that haven't changed since I was a kid- for that matter, since my Dad, or his Dad was a kid. Since I rarely get a chance to visit, Dad thought it would be a good idea to stop and visit our Uncle Whitey. My twin sister and neice were with us as well.
Uncle Whitey lives by himself, a widower, in Cambridge, Maryland, about a half hour short of Salisbury. His parent's raised my grandfather (PopPop), after his parents died young, making the two brothers, more than friends- and thus becoming our "Uncle." My Uncle Whitey and late Aunt Nona were always the distant family that always felt close- Always sending a birthday and Christmas card- Attending both my high school and college graduation. So making a stop to say hi and say thanks (he also helped support my initial efforts in film out here- see Thank You page), was a pleasure for me.
He's eighty five years old, but you'd never know it. Upon arrival, Uncle Whitey had been doing some cleaning in the basement. During that cleaning, he discovered a picture. That picture he decided should be given to my father. The picture is of my MomMom and PopPop cutting the cake at their Wedding Day, fifty some odd years earlier. I felt an immediate tug inside. Dealing with Weddings on a weekly basis, suddenly seeing my grandparents at theirs just hit a nerve. A good nerve...
The visit with MomMom was the usual. We sat and held her hand. Asked her if she was enjoying the television, even though we knew she didn't understand. Soaps were on all day, and hopefully they gave her some sort of visual or auditory stimulation. I actually fed her some fudge.
Growing up, the only thing better than Christmas morning and opening all the presents we were spoiled with, was getting that round tin cannister from MomMom, filled with her yearly batch of delicious fudge. By the time I moved to California, her fudge-making days were over. She did however pass the recipe on, and I decided it would become my yearly tradition. So every year, I make my grandma's fudge.
You can never be sure, but she did get teary eyed once again, and I think the taste of the fudge tapped in to her emotional memory bank somewhere.
On the drive home, we stopped at a restaurant in Harwick Island, called Suicide Bay. The setting was the most serene, beautiful site I have ever seen. I took over fifty pictures. The day was sad, yes inspirational. I couldn't put that photograph down.
Of the entire trip, looking at that one photograph, put everything I was doing in perspective. Sure people watch my videos and get teary eyed, enjoying watching a video made of themselves and their special day. It's fun to re-live the moment anytime you hit play on the dvd player. To me now, thinking that way is entirely too short sighted.
All I could think about while staring at that picture is how awesome it would be if I could put in a dvd, hit play, and watch my MomMom and PopPop celebrate their wedding day, complete with live audio and video. I'd love to see how they lived, laughed, celebrated, and smiled, in a time before mine. I decided then that what I do is much more than simply giving couples something for themselves to enjoy. And don't get me wrong, I take full pride in the fact, that I truly believe that a well done wedding video can strengthen a marriage. Years down the road, when things aren't so picture perfect, and sometimes love falls on the wayside for easiness and comfort, being able to put in that video and remember why you are together, can be a re-awakening moment. But beyond that, it is a vivid recording. A living, breathing, irreplaceable piece, of the kind of family tree that every person should have.
I look at that picture, and in my mind it comes alive. Fifty years from now, I'd like to know that my grandkids, and great grandkids, don't have to wonder about me. If nothing else, they will have that wedding video of me on the best day of my life. And they also, will be able to re-live that day with me, even when I'm gone.
HERE ARE TWO PICTURES: ONE FROM SUICIDE BAY
THE OTHER- WELL...
